


Birds die if they can't fly

by ichihara_mina



Series: Losing what's important is not the end [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-06 09:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/734030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ichihara_mina/pseuds/ichihara_mina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The prize of their exceptional eyes turns out to be high.<br/>Izuki and Takao are helping each other out with their situations. They lost basketball. Takao is 'nearly-blind' by now. Takao ceased his contact with his old team-members, meaning Midorima as well. Through an unexpected, weird kind of events Midorima accompanies Takao to Kyoto for his monthy eye-examinations instead of Izuki. They find back to each other</p>
<p>I suck at summaries. Sad-depressing. I have no idea how their condition could be explained, it just happened.</p>
<p>***(WILL BE UPLOADED ONCE A WEEK. LIKE REALLY.)**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Time and Stinking Pain

**Author's Note:**

> I am no doctor or whatsoever. I am just a girl from Germany that is depressed right now and wrote a depressing story to avoid or deal with it.  
> I LOVE TAKAO. I find him one of the most interesting characters in KnB. Just like I am fascinated with Midorima.  
> I apologize for Izuki's really bad puns because I can't do them better. Izuki is hard to write
> 
> This will have side stories. One story featuring Izuki's part of the story and how things work out for him. It will be a Moriyama/Izuki fanfiction *has actually everything planned out*  
> The other will have another title with Kiyoshi and Hyuuga (not about eyes but about knees xD)
> 
> ******THIS IS NOT BETAED*********** if anyone wants to point out mistakes, feel free to do so for I am anything but near a native speaker of the English language.
> 
> AGAIN: WILL BE UPLOADED ONCE A WEEK
> 
> Have fun, or not fun. Not in my power.

Chapter 1 - Of Time and Stinking Pain

 

"How are you today?"   
They sat in a circle of twelve people, including the doctor. Takao knew everybodys name by now even though in the beginning he had only known Izuki. They both sat next to each other as they always did in those meetings. They were all teens except the doctor. They also had all the same symtoms... save the doctor of course.   
Those meetings were always the same. The doctor asks them questions, wants them to talk about their feelings, how they cope, what they want to do in the future. He says it will help talking to others. He is kind of right, but not in the way he wants to. Takao talks in the meetings. He talks to the doctor in private too but all those conversations mean nothing compared to the time he spends with Izuki about their shared problem. Because... in the end it is a shared burden. The doctor, even if he claims to understand, does not know. Could never understand what they lost.  
Izuki had been the first person he ran to when he first realized something was wrong. Even though Izuki could do nothing more than nod and tell him to not overtext himself too much at the time, it had been the right decision to talk to Izuki. Only after Izuki started to slowly develop the same symptoms they started to research further. 

This was one and a half year ago. 

Takao sighed once they were outside and stretched. "I hate those meetings."  
Izuki beside him chuckled. "You always say that afterwards."  
"Only because it's true!" Takao exclaimed. "What time is it? I am hungry, lets go grab a bite."  
Izuki looked at his watch, because by now out of the two of them, he was the only one that could still read the time. "Oh my wristwatch stopped." he mumbled.  
"What's with that unlucky timing?" Takao asked and Izuki suddenly stopped in his tracks. "When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds!"   
Now Takao stopped as well and blinked at first. "What the...." he started but then chuckled. "Okay, that was funny! And made me even more hungry." They both smiled at each other and continued their walk. They got the time from Izuki's cell and decided to go to a family restaurant.

***

"Izuki-Senpai and Takao!" they had been too engrossed in their conversation that they didn't realize that a rather large group had entered the resturant. Both looked over to the place where the voice, clearly Kagami's, came from. It seemed like both Shuutoku and Seirin came to eat at the same place.  
They got greetings from everyone. Izuki's classmates ruffled his hair, the second and first years gave him their respect and they talked. The same went for Takao. He smiled at his former teammates, though his sempai's no longer were there, so they weren't exactly his real teammates, except for the second years. Which meant Midorima. "Hello Shin-chan! What are you all doing together?" he asked them after it quieted down a bit.  
"We had a practise match together." Of course he got the answer from Kuroko instead.   
"Oh yes I heard about that! I totally forgot. And who won?" Takao grinned towards them. He was not really curious anout the outcome, but he had to sound like that, or else it would start again. Those pitying eyes that he no longer could see, but Izuki could. They both had decided a long time ago to just let it go. Go on with their lifes.   
Kagami growled. "We tied! Again! Shuutoku just got lucky!" That was definitley Kagami and his frustration. Takao had to laugh at that. He would never change.   
"Luck is an ability only granted those worth it." "WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU-!"  
Takao's laugh died immediatley. Not only had it been ages since he last heard this voice but also because of what Midorima just said. It made him feel sick. Very, very sick. It kinda hurt too.

He could no longer hear the bickering between Kagami and Midorima. He was just too shocked. He slowly closed his eyes and breathed in and out just as slowly to calm down.  
"I am too hungry for fighting and imbecile!" Of course Midorima's voice had been the one to bring his wandering mind back to reality.   
"Well, you should eat them. You must be hungry after all. We were also just about to leave." Takao felt Izuki's hand on his. He took a deep breath and grinned. "Yeah, we had the privilege to sit around all day listening to a bunch of teenagers and a dumb doctor. If this continues much longer I think I am going to get fat." he joked and stood up. Of course nobody got the reference, but he knew that nobody would ask, so yeah.  
"Don't forget your bag." He heard Izuki. Yes, his bag, he had entered with one, didn't he. "Oh right, right. You really are a motherhen." he grabbed his handbag and outstretched his hand so Izuki could take it. "Don't eat too much Kagami. Kuroko wouldn't be able to carry you home." He joked, again.  
"Ah Izuki-kun, we have a party with our class at the end of this week with some other schools before the exams. Will you come?" Who was that woman again? The coach from Seirin, right. The scary one.  
"When excatly is it?"   
Takao wanted to leave this place as soon as possible. He felt more uncomfortable with each passing second but he couldn't just drag Izuki out there, could he? Not when Izuki had come to his rescue in the first place. Also he needed to act normal.  
"This Saturday, did you not pay attention in homeroom or something?" Seirin's captain joked. Izuki laughed softly. "Ah yes, yes. I forgot. It was mentioned, wasn't it." He knew Izuki thought about it. He also could point out the exact moment Izuki came to the conclusion. "I can't. This saturday is..."  
Yes. This saturday they would go to Kyoto for an appointment for examinations at some specialist. Rather, it had been Takao's exams, not Izuki's. Takao was happy that Izuki was about to decline for him. Because Takao wanted nothing more than beg and scream for Izuki to not leave his side. Because Takao needed Izuki.  
And because Takao knew that, and because he was Takao, Takao wouldn't beg nor scream.   
He smiled again. "What are you talking about, Izuki? Of course you can go." "But-" Takao cut him off before he got any further and destroyed Takao's resolution. Izuki was too nice for his own good and that was why he desevered better than Takao clinging to him constantly. They were lifelines for each other, yes, but they were not each other's life. They both know that. Takao's life left him the moment he couldn't play anymore.   
"I'll be fine. It's my exam after all, yours wont be due in months! Go have fun once in a while, mama." Takao smiled at him and squeezed his hands. He hoped that this was enough to convince Izuki.  
"What are you guys talking about?" asked Kagami. For a moment there, there was only Izuki's hand in his mind. The touch of his hand, his presence. Only getting Izuki to leave him alone, even though he was utterly and completely scared of that exam. He was also scared of being alone. But at the same time Takao was more scared opening up too much to someone. Even if it was Izuki. Izuki wasn't his to keep, so he needed to define the limits.  
It seemed that Izuki as well was startled by the sound of their surroundings. They were both silent for a second before Takao took it upon himself to answer. He was acting normal after all. "I have an appointment in a hospital in Kyoto this weekend, that's all. Normally Izuki here comes with me to those, in exchange I go to his as well." Which was rather an understatement. Takao had appointments every month, and Izuki had them three times a year.... yet. "Since those appontments are boring as hell!" he added, hopefully sounding frustrated enough to make it believeable.  
"Sucks, man." he heard Kagami say. Takao just shrugged and turned to Izuki. "So you go have fun, Senpai." he waved with his free hand, shooeing him away but not letting go of the other hand at the same time.  
"Okay... if you say you'll be fine, then okay." Izuki didn't sound too convinced but hey, it was something. Takao smiled in relief.

"Then I will go with you."

Takao's smile did not exactly die at hearing this voice again, but he definitely felt the last bit of blood leaving his head area. He wondered how pale a human being could get without dying. He also wondered if anyone noticed. He laughed dryly. "What are you talking about, Shin-chan?"  
"I have business with Akashi anyway. I was planning on going to Kyoto myself. It's no big deal."  
Takao had blinked. A lot of times actually before realizing, that this, in fact, was no nightmare. It was reality. He didn't understand why Midorima suddenly would say that. That guy hasn't talked to him properly ever since he stopped the club all together, so why does he think he can just come back into his life again, after he disappeared. 

Why? Because he is selfish. Because he is Midorima. And if it's him, Takao knew that he would willingly let himself be run over again and again by Midorima. No matter how many times, he would let Midorima come back and ruin his life. He knew it was unhealthy. But he never considered that there would be a chance that this would actually happen. Because Takao knew what the things that Midorima cares about were. And a Takao that couldn't play basketball anymore wasn't considered in them.  
He doesn't know how long he was being silent before answering. What he did know was that everyone waited for his answer. And he did also know that Midorima's eyes were watching him. He couldn't see them of course. But he could feel them.  
"Okay." he heard himself answer.  
He also could feel Izuki's confusion. He could feel the other's as well. He could feel so much. He could feel everything. It should have been a good sign, it meant his senses sharpened. He was not a useless blind man anymore. But everytime he realized this, he became even more frustrated about his lost eyesight.   
"Call me later. Izuki, come on. We have to go." he squeezed his hand a little.  
He had done his best, but he knew that if he stood there among people that knew his past self, Midorima among them nontheless, he would lose it completly. He couldn't bear it anymore and thank goodness Izuki understood.

*

They payed and left as fast as they could without running. But even that was not fast enough anymore and he started running, dragging Izuki with him. He didn't know where he ran to, but he ran until he couldn't anymore and nearly vomited. They had eaten their lunch just moments before after all. Before they came to a halt, Izuki took the lead again. Takao guessed the park, because he was sitting on a bench not long after that.  
"I am sorry, Izuki... I am so sorry..." he managed to say while panting. He felt like vomiting and he did in the end. He felt Izuki's hand on his back. And he felt the tears he had locked away for so long. He had only cried once since this whole disaster had started.   
Only once, and that was on a hospital rooftop in the middle of the night. It had been Izuki that hold him together then. And it was Izuki that did the same this time again.   
"Why..." he managed to say after his lunch had completely left him. "Why does he suddenly...." He couldn't breathe poperly, it hurt. And his head hurt. He felt dizzy and he was crying.

He always had been pathetic when it came to Midorima.

"I don't know." Izuki answered softly and cleaned his mouth with a neckerchief. At the same time he rubbed his back. "You have a panic attack, Takao. Breathe in slowly. It's alright. It will be over soon." Takao could only nod and let Izuki's voice lead him until he calmed down. This had not been his first panic attack and this had not been the first time Izuki was there to comfort him. They both knew exactly what to do in those situations by now, both had experienced them often enough in the past one and half year.

Takao chuckled after he was able to breathe again. "I am nothing but trouble for you, aren't I?"  
"We hang on together and we'll so in the future." Izuki didn't ask, it was a statement. It didn't stop Takao's urge to nod at that though. "About this weekend-"  
"No!" Takao stopped him before Izuki could start. "No. Just... no!"  
"But it's Midorima."  
Takao bit his lips. He was right, of course. It was Midorima. And Izuki was the only person other than himself that understood what this meant to him. "I will be fine. Well not exactly fine, but I'll manage. You know I can." He smiled. "Izuki you'll graduate soon, this is an important event!"  
Izuki was still considering not to go. He was stubborn, Takao knew that. Beyond that nice and calm face was a stubborn guy. He had fought him on court often enough to know. That was not the only place where Izuki could get stubborn, of course, and thinking about basketball right now was not his intention in the first place.   
"Look, if I wasn't fine about it I would have accepted your offer long ago, wouldn't I? You know how selfish I can be!" he patted him and the shoulder. "And now, let's get outta here. It stinks."  
"The stinking part is your fault."


	2. Phonecalls and the other end of a Lifeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takao gets phonecalls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGH. I am two days late! .... whatever? .... gosh I hate the world

Chapter 2 - Phonecalls and the other end of a Lifeline

 

At first Takao hated the boredom. He could do nothing when he was alone, but when he was together with other people he hated it even more. It was really frustrating at first, but Takao learned to live with it. Now he would shut the world off while listening to music with headphones. In fact he listened so loud he never heard his parents calling him for dinner, or when they had something to askr talk about. Sometimes he did it deliberately. His parents were awkward with this whole situation. They tried to help but didn't understand that their pity and sadness was making everything worse. Takao hated dealing with that. He also found out that there were so many different kinds of music to listen to. Songs with texts or just some soundtracks from some movies, they all were different in a sense. They all had another story to tell. They also made him forget about reality and let him sleep.

"Kazunari, I said!" he was suddenly pulled away from sleep by his mother's voice. He blinked, she had taken his headphones off.

"Your phone is ringing." she informed him. Now that she mentioned it, he did hear his cellphone.

"Sorry." he mumbled and reached out for his nightable. The sound came from there after all.

"Let me-"

"It's fine." After a few times patting the table he found his cell. Before his mother could disturb him any further he took the call. "Hello?" He heard his mother sigh and leave his room, shutting the door behind her.

"It's me."

Oh right.

He did tell Midorima to call him.

"Takao, are you there?"

"Ah, sorry, sorry. I didn't think you would actually really call!" Takao felt his heartbeat incraese it's pace.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing." He laughed. He really did not expect Midorima to call him. Somewhere, in the dark places of his mind he still believed that their meeting at the resturant was actually a dream.

"About your exam.... you said it was this weekend. What day exactly did you mean by that?"

"Saturday." Takao was still too surprised to think clearly, so he just answered.

"What time?"

"Afternoon. 3 pm."

"I see."

"......" the last part had not been a question. Now Takao was a a loss. Should he say something? What did they talk about in the past?

"Takao."

"Yes?!" Takao did feel really dumb by getting startled like that. But this was his name, said by this voice, in that very manner. It was too familiar for him to not be affected, but at the same time it felt utterly strange. Like he had never talked to Midorima before in his life.

"I will pick you up on Saturday morning."

".....Eh? What? You don't have to-"

"See you then." _Tut tut tut_

"Hah? Eh? Shin-chan? Wait a second!" But Midorima had already hung up on him. What did he mean by picking him up? Why WOULD he pick him up in the first place? _Ah right, I am nearly blind_ , he thought. But that didn't mean Midorima had to pick him up. There were other ways to get to the train station after all.

This situation was completely nuts. Everything just didn't make any sense anymore. Midorima and he didn't talk properly in months. A year even? Ever since Takao decided that just going to practise in order to sit around and watch was useless and did him no good in the process.

Takao finally was able to cope. Finally. And now Midorima came back. What the hell. Should he be happy about this or should he cry? He let himself fall back on his bed. Dealing with Midorima was always such a pain. Well, okay, he couldn't deny that he enjoyed that pain in the past. But not anymore. Now it was impossible for him to be part of that world. Talking to Midorima feels like a dream, like he can't accept the truth and clings to the past.

Which he kind of does, but not on the outside. On the outside he is fine. He is normal. He moved on. That's why he doesn't talk much to his former teammates anymore. They all were just friends because of the club anyway, so now it seemed pointless.

He let out a deep sigh. He was tempted to call Izuki. Izuki knew how to calm him down and always had the right words... or the right pun. He sighed again. It was really a wonder why Izuki wasn't fed up with him yet. Somehow Takao couldn't remember the last time HE was the one comforting Izuki. So he decided not to call him.

*

Never could he have guessed that his phone would ring a second time that day. At first Takao was scared. Maybe it had been Midorima again.... but he couldn't be sure, so after a while he took the call.

"Hello~?"

"Hey...." This made Takao jump up from his bed.

"Izuki! What is it?" He didn't like the tone of his voice. At all.

"Could you come out for a bit...? I am in front of your house."

"Wait a second. I am coming right now!" he hung up, took his jacket and dashed downstairs. He took these stairs everyday in his life so it was really no problem to him.

"Wait, Kazunari where are you going-"

"Just outside. I have my phone with me!" Nor was it a problem for him to quickly jump into his shoes without uncecessary fussing. "Izuki?" he called the moment he was outside. It was already past sunset, so it was impossible for Takao to see _anything_ anymore.

"I am here." Takao dashed forward, with a few uncertain touches he found Izuki's face and took it into his hands.

"What is it, Izuki?"

"It stung." Izuki whispered. "It stung and for a moment..." Izuki sounded so lost. Takao cursed everything he could think of that might have had anyhing to do with this situation. Fate, God, Coincidence... whatever.

He hugged him. "It's okay." that was all Takao could do or say. "Does is still sting?" He felt Izuki shaking his head on his shoulder. "Did this happen before?" Again he felt the answer on his shoulder.

"No... the only time was when we first went to the doctor."

"Okay. That's good." Takao really did feel useless. But it had beem a good sign. Izuki's symptoms were developing a lot slower than Takao's since the very beginng. "You will still be able to read the clock." He heard Izuki's smile. He heard the small breath he let out while doing so.

"I will be needing glasses though."

"I looked pretty cool with glasses, didn't I?" Takao joked and rubbed Izuki's back. Just like the other boy did a few days ago.

"Hey Takao..."

"Hm?"

"Do you think.... that birds die when they cannot fly anymore?" He whispered. Face still burried into Takao's shoulder.

Takao's hand stilled.

He felt Izuki shaking in his arms... but that could have been he himself. Maybe they were both shaking.

Takao let out an uncertain laugh. "You can't make our lifes into a pun like that, Izuki..." He tried his best to stay cool and calm even though right now he very much felt like crying.

But he stayed strong and started to rub Izuki's back again. He let Izuki cry into his shoulders and stayed strong for him.

Izuki was his lifeline. And he always did feel guilty about it.... but in moments like these he realized that he was Izuki's line as well. It made him feel less guilty about his dependence and happy to be needed at the same time.


	3. What time is it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doomsday arrives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to shorten the 3rd chapter a bit because it was way too long and I would have a really short 4th chapter.... which would be dumb and this works

Chapter 3 - What time is it?

 

Takao really despised his life sometimes. Really.

He was up very early, because he couldn't fall asleep at all on Friday... or Saturday early morning. So instead of spending time on his bed cursing his life, wondering how he should act around Midorima and just slightly worried about what the doctor would say, he got up and took a long bath while every other member of his family was still sleeping. To clear his mind and body, as one would say.

The problem was... he fell asleep in the bathtub.

Thankfully he woke up immediately. He left the bath after that. It was not like he really-really wanted to die yet after all.

In the end he was doomed to wait until Midorima arrived while brooding a bit more about this whole situation. He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep yet again before he heard the doorbell.

His heart started to race. He felt really comfortable in his room.... maybe he should postpone that appointment and go with Izuki... or someone else... anyone that was more pleasant to be around with than Midorima.

Of course he couldn't back down now.

He couldn't get another appointment, especially not on this kind of short notice. He knew that, but a man was allowed to hope, wasn't he?

It wasn't until he heard his mother calling him that he started to breathe again. He didn't realize that he held his breath in the first place. He took the bag with his 'Diary' and the files from the Tokyo-Hospital and went down the stairs. Not as fast as he did a few days ago when he and Izuki met outside his house...

No, he wasn't that eager to get down today. He heard his mother talk to Midorima on his way down. How long she hadn't seen him, what he was up to. How his studies were going and such things. It was normal small-talk and very normal topics, but Takao had no idea what Midorima was up to recently, or how his studies were.

He himself had some special classes and took the exams on different days... and of course Takao couldn't read the student-rank-list.

Not to forget... that Takao had been the one that didn't see Midorima in a long time. Literally.

To Takao Midorima became a big something... a kind of shadow even, with a bit of color on his head on good days. Takao sometimes was still able to see this ridiculous green hair of his.

Unfortunately the way downstairs was not that long and he couldn't postpone his doom any longer.

"I didn't know that Midorima-kun would be the one accompanying you to Kyoto this time. Is Shun-kun sick?" Neither did I, mother. Neither did I, Takao thought.

"Nah. Izuki isn't sick. He has some kind of sempai-good-bye party."

"I see, well it was good to see you again, Midorima-kun." his mother smiled slightly. "Here, I made lunch for you two." she stated but a lunchbox never got to Takao.

He frowned. "Why don't you hand it to me?"

"Well..."

Takao rolled his eyes. "Mum, I am blind, not in a wheelchair. And even if, I could still carry a lunch box, you know." He joked and walked towards them and outstretched his hands.

"You are not... blind yet, Kazunari." Takao knew his mother good enough to know that she was on the verge of tears and was biting her lips to prevent that.

Takao smiled. "The lunch box, mum." Without a word she handed it to him and left them. Probably went into the living room to cry.

Takao just hummed and put the double-lunchbox into his shoulderbag before putting on his shoes. He wasn't exactly sure what he was humming, but it was a good sign. Takao used to hum a lot after all.

"Let's go then!" he proclaimed. And so they started to walk side by side. Takao followed Midorima's pace. It was weird how he didn't even doubt that Midorima was leading them towards the station and not somewhere else.

Normally...In the past... They would have traveled by that rikshaw... and Takao would have been the one driving it. He wondered whether Midorima still had that rikshaw.

He shook his head slightly. Not the right moment, nor the right place to remember this.

They were silent at first. Midorima was never really someone to start a conversation in the first place. Normally....in the past.... damn it, there it was again. Normally Takao would talk about random things to fill the silence. But now... he couldn't think of anything to ask or talk about.

There was one thing, though. "What time is it, by the way?"

He heard Midorima taking out his cellphone out of his pocket and flipping it open. Takao wondered slightly when his hearing sense became this distinct but threw this thought away quickly.

He did that a lot when he was in company.

Or when he was alone.

It was not something he liked to think about, after all.

"8:50" was the short answer he got. What else did he expect? It was Midorima for gods sake. Takao stopped himself from sighing. He had nothing to ask or talk about anymore. It was still some time until they'd reach the station, and even if it had only taken 5 more minutes it already felt like a lifetime of silent.

How was he going to survive this?

"Takao." Midorima cut off his thoughts.

"Hm?"

"Give me your hand."

"I... what? Why?" Midorima stopped in his tracks so did Takao. But Takao never got an answer. Midorima just took his hands and started walking again.

Takao would have struggled if he had not been so damn shocked and kind of happy at the same time for this contact of human flesh. At least he didn't have to worry about conversation anymore. His mind shut itself down. He was too fixated on their hands.

*****

They sat next to each other on the train. They were still holding hands. Why, Takao didn't know. And he couldn't bring himself to ask the reason. Maybe Midorima had just forgotten about it and would be reminded if Takao asked. Then they wouldn't be holding hands anymore.

That also was the reason why Takao didn't put his headphones on in order to distract himself for the long ride. He would bear with the silence, he decided.

In order to look as nonchalant as possible he looked outside the train's window.

Quite ironic, he thought seconds later, because he saw absolutely nothing. The train station was way too poorly lit for him to at least grasp something. That was when the train started to move under him and the noises from outside faded away.

He heard meaningless chatter from other passengers. A child being startled from the sudden movement. A mother's voice that was calm and reassuring. And he heard Midorima's breathing next to him. He leaned his head against the window and sighed slightly.

"You lost weight."

Takao couldn't stop the laugh that escaped his mouth. "And I see you are still as random as ever." he laughed some more before sighing. He knew Midorima was watching him, he could feel his gaze. "Did I now?"

"Yes."

Takao smiled. "I am pretty sure I just lost all my muscles. I have no exercise after all."

"Don't be ridiculous. If you had no muscles you wouldn't be able to stand or even sit."

"It's weird to hear logic from someone that survive a day without his horoscope." They continued to banter for a while. Or maybe it was only for a few minutes. Takao didn't know. But he was glad. All tension left his body. He forgot what he was worried about anymore.

Right now he was just happy.

He didn't care about the exam.

He didn't care that he could not see Midorima.

He also forgot about the fact that Midorima and he didn't talk like this in over one year. It was like meeting a good friend from the past. Even though individually they had changed, together the differences seemed to disappear, as if they never had been apart at all.

Which was funny, because they both still went to the same school. Takao still heard ridiculous stories about Midorima and his lucky items and they saw each other nearly everyday.

Okay. Midorima saw Takao... Takao felt Midorima, but that was the same.

They had been near each other the whole time.... but at the same time they were not.

 

Takao felt so comfortable in the end, that he fell asleep. His body wanted to make up for lost time, apparently. He didn't remember ever falling asleep in the first place. He just woke up when Midorima shook him awake.

"We're there."


	4. Takao's twisted life is ranked 3rd today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midorima and Takao eat lunch before the appointment of doooom!  
> Takao has actually fun, and his life seems twisted.  
> Lucky Items and horoscopes!

So, it was still too early for their appointment, but that had been the plan.

Apparently.

Now they could eat some lunch on the hospital grounds. "Help me open these lunchboxes, will ya?´" Takao said while rubbing his hands together. He was quite hungry after all. He had had no breakfast and had been up practically the whole night.

The hospital they were at was a nice place. It had it's own park, so they kind of had an improvised picknick.

"Itadakimasu~!" It was delicious. Well, it was his mother's cooking after all. Also, on those days she made his favorites.

"Takao."

"Yes?"

"Stop humming while eating." Takao blinked a few times. He didn't realize that he was humming. //Damn, I am getting carried away here....// He actually had **fun**. On an appointment day. "Sorry." He mumbled.

Yes, it was an appointment day. He bit his lips. "What time is it?"

"14:05. We still have time. Eat."

"Yes, of course!" he laughed. All fun suddenly disappeared. Not only because he dreaded his appointment. But also because he realized he had been doing something very, very foolish.

He was having fun with Midorima.

Not. Good.

After this day, they would return to not talking again. And this time Takao was not sure he could handle that. He was able to say goodbye the first time. He was able to forget.

But now he remembered. He also realized that he had longed for this. Their banter. Midorima's even voice while calling his name when he wanted attention.

More than anything, he missed seeing Midorima. He missed the small smiles one would never see if not paying attention. He missed the way he would touch his glasses, even though there was no need for that. And.... he missed seeing Midorima on the c-

Before he knew it, he had let go of his chopsticks and hit his face with both hands. Hard. This was also why he regretted having fun with him. Everything he didn't want to think of came back.

"What are you doing?"

Yeah, just what. He wondered himself. He forced a laugh. "I don't know. Preparing for battle?"

Midorima was silent. The way he was before saying something... more or less important. With Midorima it was always random. The way he was pondering about what he wanted to say, whether it was worth to be voiced or not. Whether it should concern Takao or not. Midorima always thought about such things. He had never told Takao the process of his mind, but Takao just _knew_. Somehow this made his whole situation worse. He had to smile at that.

"Takao."

"Yes?" He tried to mentally prepare himself for whatever Midorima might say or ask. He never properly talked about his condition with Midorima before, so he might ask about it. He might ask about this appoiintment. Or he might just tell him something like 'Your chopsticks gotten dirty'.

 

"Give me your hand."

 

Okay. Of all possible things he could think of... this was not an option. All his mental preparation disappeared in a matter of seconds.

"What?" he stuttered.

But Midorima was sure Takao had heard him, so he would not repeat what he said. Typical Shin-chan. So Takao decided to just do as he was told. He felt something warm and cold at the same time being put in his hands... maybe because it had been in Midorima's pocket or something. It was something rather small, but Takao couldn't make out what it was. Also because his palm was still open. He didn't touch the object properly yet. Too confused and all.

"Today scorpio's are ranked 3rd. Your lucky item is lipstick."

Takao closed his palm- Yes, it had the size of a lipstick. It fitted into his palm, but was cylindric.

"A lipstick." Takao repeated dumbfounded.

"Yes."

"Lipstick." Takao repeated. This time starting to giggle. This giggle turned out into a bark of laughter. "I am no match for you, Shin-chan!" he laughed and laughed some more. With one hand he clutched the lipstick-case and the another started to hide his face.

Ah-ah. He hasn't received a lucky item in a long time now.

This was not good.

This was not fair.

But it still made him very happy. So happy he could cry.

 

If Midorima saw him trembling, he didn't comment on that. He also didn't say anything about the fact that Takao didn't eat anything anymore. Or that he hasn't really moved much after that. His face was still burried in his hand. He was still clutching the lipstick.

And he continued to shiver until Midorima started to clean their lunchbox up and informed him that it was time.

"I see." Takao took a deep breath before standing up.

  
*************

They were sent to wait in front of the doctor's door. He was seeing another patient at the moment, so they would have to wait.

Well, they had been 10 minutes early in the first place. Didn't Midorima say something like: It is time? But this was Midorima, so it was no surprise.  
  
"Takao-kun, hello!" This voice made Takao smile instantly.

"Hello, Sasuga-san!"

Sasuga was a nurse. In all his visits they grew more or less close. She was a lovely woman. Very nice. Didn't ask too many questions and treated him to lots of sweets.

"Is it that time of the month already?"

Takao laughed at that joke. "Geez, Sasuga-san. That sounds creepy."

He heard her soft chuckle. "And this handsome yound man is?"

"Not fair, I should be the only handsome one for you."

"You are definitley the only one in my heart, Takao-kun~ Don't tell Izuki-kun that I said that."

"I promise." She also was able to make his stay at this hospital more or less bearable.

"I am Sasuga, a nurse in this hospital. Nice to meet you."

"Midorima Shintarou-nanodayo."

She chuckled at that. That suffix Midorima insited on using was very funny after all. Takao had to agree on that.

"Is Izuki-kun alright?" She asked more serious this time. Takao smiled again. She did become their friend after all. And he knew, that she tried to arrange her schedule to be the nurse that asisted the doctor when they came to visit. It was more comfortable that way too, so Takao wouldn't complain.

"Yes he is. I have given him a free day. Without payment of course." He smirked.

"I see, you slave driver. Do you have your files? I can prepare everything so you can finish as soon as possible."

"Yes. Thanks." He took his hospital files out of his bag and realized something. "Shin-chan, do you have the lunchbox?"

"Yes. Did you finally realize?"

"Why didn't you say something? Give it to me. I'll put it back." He turned to Sasuga and handed over his files, then he turned to Midorima and was handed the lunch box.

"I will be back when it's your turn then." Sasuga left and Takao put the lunchbox into his bag.  
He sighed. It will be his turn soon. Without realizing he grabbed the lipstick that was in his trouser pocket.

"Takao."

"Yes, what is it?"

"What is this appointment for?"

Takao froze for a second. "They are..." He started and sighed.

"They are to test me properly. It seems they don't have the right instruments in Tokyo. Also this doctor seems to be a specialist or something." He shrugged. "He looks at my eyes and tells me whether or not they got worse." He surprised himself by how passive he sounded.

But that was just the way it was.

He would either get a panic attack or he would just stop really caring. His heart would burst, or his heart would stop.  He was happy that his body decided for the latter in front of Midorima.

"I see." was all Midorima said. His voice didn't sound any different either.

It really was hilarious.

In the most twisted way possible. But what did it matter. Takao seemed to love twisted after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will be Midorima's point of view!


	5. All He ever did was Wondering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midorima's point of view of the whole situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that Midorima's point of view was needed. And so it is here!

_MIDORIMA POV_

  
They were sitting in silence until the nurse Sasuga came back to take Takao inside. Midorima took one last glance at Takao before the door was shut and he was alone in the hallway.

He wanted to reach out to Takao in that moment. But what if he did? He had no idea whatsoever to say to him.

He also had no RIGHT to reach out to him.

Yes, Midorima had been angry at Takao. Very angry. 

Midorima hated the way Takao handled this.   
How Takao distanced himself from the club, from basketball and from Midorima himself. He hated watching Takao suffer alone, even though he didn't particaly show it on the outside. Midorima knew Takao. Takao was the kind of person that wouldn't let his emotions overun him. He also was a person that wouldn't want too many people worrying about him. He hated that kind of attention. So he pushed everyone away.

Midorima hated that.

But what Midorima hated the most was that he let him.

Midorima was hurt by the way Takao slowly but surely left his life. He was hurt because Takao had run to Izuki when his problems had started.

Midorima hated Takao for this. For coming into his life, making him trust him, being at his side all the time. Becoming his friend. Becoming a part of his life. For coming but then just going.

He wondered for a while whether or not Takao thought of Midorima as a friend. He wondered why Takao didn't talk to him  
He wondered why Takao said his goodbyes. Wondered why they suddenly stopped talking to each other.

 

Yet what Midorima couldn't stand the most was that Takao was still calling him by that ridiculous nickname.

 

Midorima thought that they stopped being whatever they were and went back to being strangers again. He could have accepted that if not for the fact that Takao still used that familar nickname.

Even if they hadn't been talking in weeks, months even. Midorima knew that it wasn't just habits. He knew Takao too well for that. Takao was able to easly overcome his habits. And yet he still continued with that. And Midorima had been wondering. Wondering for a long time. A year. All he ever did was wondering....Before he realized how blind he had been.  
He should have noticed before. Because that was Takao. Because he knew Takao's way of thinking. 

It wasn't that Takao didn't thought of him as a friend. It also wasn't a matter of trust to why he didn't confide Midorima in his problems.

Takao, the dumb idiot, thought that he could only stay at his side if basketball was involved.

Takao showed a lot of wisdom and insight sometimes... but in the end he really was an idiot.

And Midorima had realized this too late. He had been busy being angry at something as childish as jealously.   
Midorima had considered himself one of Takao's closest friends, but in the end it had been Seirin's Izuki to hold his hand.

He asked himself how many apologies it would take for Takao to forgive him. Midorima wouldn't forgive himself.

He was pathetic. Just...  
  
Midorima massaged the bridge of his nose. He just hoped that he could ease Takao's suffering, even if it was a little bit.

 

"Midorima-kun?"   
He looked up to see that nurse from before walking up to him. Where did she come from? Was there some kind of back door?   
She sat down next to him.

"You know, the case with these kids is really rare." she stated.

Midorima didn't know why she would tell him that, but decided to listen, because this was important. And it could be able to help him.

"It really is weird. First they have exceptional powers, and then that power is taken away from them in such a cruel way. I really don't understand why they should be able to see so well for a short period of time and suddenly and gradually go blind. Who decided that?"

Midorima just stared at her from the side. And she continued.

"It's like they were given a plate fuller than the other's, but the moment they finished that plate they don't get any seconds for the rest of their lifes while the other's still get food."

It was a strange comparision but it somehow was spot on at the same time. 

"Takao-kun was able to see the whole court before, right?"

Midorima could tell that she didn't need confirmation, so he didn't give any.

"I heard his passes were really something." she looked at the ceiling. It was like she tried to imagine it and somehow he wondered whether she could actually see it. So he looked up as well. 

It all really felt like a distant dream now. "Yes. They were." He didn't really answer her, but rather himself.

Yes. Takao's passes were something. They were precise. They somehow even seemed scary. Takao saw everything. And sometimes he speculated if he could see through Midorima.

Takao was also hard working. He would train more than the others. He was about to become captain as well.... Midorima shook his head. Yes, the court became lonely without Takao. There never had been someone like Takao. Not even in the Generation of Miracles.  
He shook his head slightly.

Winning and basketball were important.

But that was not why Takao was important to him. He knew that now.

 

**********

Suddenly the door in front of them opened. Takao stood at the door and for a second Midorima could see him taking a deep breath.

"Let's go, Shin-chan! We are finished here." He immedietaly started walking.

Midorima felt himself frown and followed him.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be two more chapters left. OMG. *DYING*  
> All I ever wanted for them was find happiness.  
> The next chapter will be up in a few days!


	6. Shin-Chan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takao can't hold it in anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised that this would be up.... like now xD it is and hoer late, since in my timezone friday ended already, but who cares?

Takao just wanted to leave as soon as possible.

He didn't want to smell this place anymore. He didn't want to hear clean shoes rubbing on the ground. He didn't want to feel the dying atmosphere that was around in the hospital.

It was like it wrapped around him, taking away his ability to breath. He felt nauseous.

He started to ramble. He needed to distract himself so he rambled. About random things like how boring it is every time. That they took too much blood and everything in between he could think of. Just so he could overcome this sick feeling.

He wanted to forget about this visit.

About reality.

He wanted to avoid it. Because he was normal, fine Takao. And Takao was a happy-go-lucky idiot that liked to talk. Somewhere in between he felt Midorima's hand grab his wrist and start pulling him with him.

"What...? Shin-chan? Hey! Shin-chan!" He tried to sturggle, but Midorima had always been stronger than him. His grip was firm. So tight it nearly hurt a bit.

He had been prepared for this month's results. At least he thought he had been. He knew that there was no way to get better. His eyes were giving up, he knew that!

But... he had felt okay this last month. He was so accustomed to this being-more-or-less-blind thing already that he had not realized that he became worse again.

The truth hit him with a heavy force in the gut. He wondered why he even cared about such a fact.

He shouldn't.

There is nothing he could do. He should be fine by now! But he wasn't. He was not fine. He was not even able to chose where he wanted to go. He was being led, pulled by Midorima in a town he didn't really know. He was being pulled somewhere and couldn't see.

"Where are you taking me?!" He was getting scared.

At this Midorima suddenly stopped. He didn't let go of his firm grip through. Takao felt him move, probably turn around towards him.

"Takao."

This was all it took for Takao to snap.

This tone.... Midorima's tone was not like any he heard before.

It was daring.

It was also soft and tender.

He could feel worry through love. He could feel anger at the same time. It was really not fair.

"What do you know?!" he heard himself scream.

He slowly but surely lost the control over his own body. He felt himself struggle even more. Trying to push Midorima away again.

Because this is not fair.

He was also in no control any longer over his mind too.

"What do YOU know?!"

"Takao-"

"DON'T!" he felt himself shake his head furiously. "Don't 'Takao' me! Not with that tone! I thought I was alright! I thought I was able to finally be able to live with it! But then YOU!-"

Somehow Midorima had grabbed his other wrist as well.

"-YOU! You make everything harder! I don't want your help! I don't need your help! You don't want to give me your help either! I have become useless, you know that!"

"Takao calm down."

"Let go of me! Leave me the fuck alone already! What do you care?!"

He tried his best to push him away. Every bit of strength he could muster was put onto this task.

"I was able to cope with it! And then suddenly I am getting scared again! What's with that shit?! I don't WANT that! I don't want my eyes to become worse! I thought it had already stopped! The pain had stopped! I got adapted to my view! I-"

Huh?

He sobbed. When did he start to cry?

"I didn't even realize they had gotten worse again..." he breathed between sobs. He didn't know whether Midorima even heard him or not.

He didn't even know why it had been Midorima that made him snap comepletely. Especially so late after this whole incident started.

He really cried a lot when he was near Midorima. He stopped struggling it seemed. He lost all his strength. He tried too hard to struggle.

To overcome whatever it was he wanted to overcome.

But he had been too weak and now... he had no power for anything anymore. Before he knew it he was sitting on the ground.

The cold, and weirdly enough, wet ground.

"I tried so hard!" he whimpered. "I knew something was off. My eyes started hurting after a game. I thought it was just exhaustion."

He let out a bitter laugh at that. "After that my head started spinning several times. My eyes hurt more, even if not for a game. Sometimes I couldn't read the board anymore."

Why he even started talking about this, he didn't know. It just happened. "But I tried so hard! I was finally able to..."

Just when he thought he had calmed down he started to dissolve in tears again. "I was finally able to give you an awesome pass... to make you acknowledge me... and then, and then- Am I really that unworthy of luck?!" he felt his voice leave him by that last shout.

If he hadn't felt Midorima's arms wrap around him. If he hadn't felt his own head rest on Midorima's chest, he would have forgotten the other teen was actually still there.

"Why must you make it so hard, Shin-chan! Why can't you just leave me alone?" he sniffled.

 

Nothing was said for a long moment anymore. The world started to come back to Takao. It felt like he slowly tuned the music he was listening to louder.

He heard the sound of rain. He also heart the sound of Midorima's heart.

He felt the coldness of the rain. He felt soaked. At the same time he felt warm, because he was still in Midorima's embrace. He felt his own breath calming down. He felt his eyes dry up.

He was finished. So very finished.

With no strength left, in Midorima's arms.... bothering him with his problems. Takao was nothing anymore, so Midorima should have just left him. He shouldn't have come with him in the first place...

"You are an idiot." He felt the words coming out of Midorima's body.

He also had heard them. But they made no sense.

"You are the greatest idiot I have EVER met. You wonder why I can't leave you alone? Think about it yourself."

Takao could have sworn he felt Midorima sigh and caressing his hair. "You are the one asking for help. You were the whole time. I just had never realized it. I am sorry."

"What-"

"Shin-chan" he heard Midorima say. Why would he say his own name? "Shin-chan." He repeated softer. "You were calling me by that name the whole time. Even after you left the club and stopped talking to me. You distanced yourself. It felt like we were strangers again... but you kept calling me by that nickname of yours."

Takao felt his eyes widen. It was true.

Even though he himself had not realized it. He thought he had closed that chapter of his life. Locked it up deep and far away somewhere in his heart...

He thought that he moved on.

He hadn't realized that he was still clinging to Midorima. To his Shin-chan.

That would also explain why Takao let him accompany him here. Why he felt so at ease to finally be together with Midorima again. And also why he was so desperate when Midorima was involved. Always. All this time Takao was not even near the point of fine and normal. He was not normal if Midorima was not there. Not anymore.

But...but... "I can't stay at your side anymore" he voiced his thought.

"Takao." Midorima's hug tightened around him. "It's true that we got close because of basketball. At first that was the only thing that connected us. But you are much more than just my partner in basketball. Didn't we become..... friends?"

The way Midorima ended his question made Takao's body stir. Such uncertainity... Even Midorima could feel uncertain?

Wherever this new energy came from, he didn't care. He felt something warm crawl under his skin. He felt his heart pump faster. He felt like coming back to life again.

"We did, didn't we." It was no question on his part. It was what it was.

A statement, truerer than the fact that he became blind.

Trurer than the rain he had long forgotten.

He felt more alive with every second and began to smile and chuckle. He felt light. He even felt a bit happy.

It seemed that Midorima did feel this as well. He groaned a bit. Clearly irritated and let go of Takao. Even though Takao was sad about the lost of contact he still smiled like an idiot. He knew that Midorima would pinch the bridge of his nose. He also knew that Midorima would adjust his glasses several times.

"Stop laughing, Takao." This only made Takao laugh louder and merrier. The angry breath Midorima let out as a response made it even worse.

This was so much like Midorima.

This felt so natural and right.

This was what Takao had wanted for so long, he didn't even realize.

"Stand up. It's raining. We need to find cover."

Even though Midorima's voice commanded him, Takao felt Midorima's hands helping him stand up. Takao grinned to himself while he let himself fall towards Midorima's chest. He took Midorima's face into his hands and kissed him.

It was just a small peck acutally.

But it was the best thing Takao ever felt. The way Midorima froze made him laugh even more.

"It's already too late for worrying about rain." He said inbetween laughs and pulled back.

He felt like dancing right now! He didn't even care if someone saw them. He started to doubt the possibility of other human beings near them, actually. The streets or wherever they were must have been probably quite empty because of the rain.

"I don't want to catch a cold."

Takao chuckled. "It's a good thing you are an Idiot too then, Mr. Horoscope." He held out his hand. "Let's go, Shin-chan."

And the moment Midorima took his hand was propably even better than their short kiss.

"Are~ Shin-chan, are you smiling?" he teased him as they started to walk.

"Shut up, Takao." Takao was still more or less blind. But, for the moment, all was well and he was bursting from energy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be an epilouge and kind of the last!


	7. EPILOGUE - They just learn to walk, thats all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After they made up they take their train back home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually.... the End? Omg, This makes me so sad and happy at the same time QAQ  
> Thanks for everyone that actually read this story and.... I love you guys!

Like hell.

The moment they were sitting on the train back home he felt so exhausted he could die.

He would have fallen asleep on the spot actually, but yeah, he was stubborn.

He was beginning to clear things up with Midorima, so no way he would be sleeping now.

Yeah okay, some part of him still thought that this was a dream, so the moment he fell asleep this wonderful dream could end. Takao knew his minds well enough to consider this possibility.

The fact that Midorima accompanied him to Kyoto in the first place was weird to begin with. "Ne, Shin-chan. Didn't you said you had business here? With your former captain from the miracles?"

He felt Midorima stir beside him. Shifting uncomfortably for a moment or two before coming to a halt in order to start mumbling. Takao leaned over to grasp what he was saying.

Or in order to hear any sound coming out of his mouth. Midorima was a pretty silent mumbler.

 

The more he heard, or thought he heard, which didn't matter to him at ALL, the more he started to smile. His smile eventually became a wide grin.

Takao felt his face spilt open. "I see. You lied!"

Takao hugged Midorima's arm out of reflex and happiness.

"I had no choice. What was I supposed to do?" he heard Midorima grumble.

He didn't shake Takao off though, which made Takao just snuggle closer to him, resting his head on Midorima's shoulder.

"What would you have said then if the hospital had not been conveniently in Kyoto?" he teased.

"Shut up, Takao."

"Yeeees~" he hummed.

He closed his eyes in content. Okay, maybe this was not a dream.

And he needed the rest. And maybe if this was a dream, nobody said that it wouldn't continue when he woke up again.

Maybe he actually drowned in his bathtub this morning and was in heaven.

He didn't really care, he was together with Midorima! And he was so damn tired.

"Ne, Shin-chan." Takao said after a while, opening his eyes a bit.

"What?"

"Do you think... birds die if they can't fly anymore?"

He didn't really know why he cared so much about this. It just had been on his mind for a while now, poking him.

If this was some kind of ending because he drowned himself accidently, or if this just was a dream that would come to an end.... then he needed to know at least the answer to that question.

"Why should they have to die just because of such a trivial matter?" Midorima answered his question with a question himself. "If they can't fly anymore, then they just learn to walk, that's all."

Takao chuckled to himself. This was Midorima.

This was no dying or wishing dream of his. Takao would never be able to think this positivley, not anymore. And in not in such a Midorima-fashioned way.

He actually said 'trivial'.

 

"I see.... you are right..." was the last thing Takao said before finally drifting off to sleep.

And when he woke up he would wake up next to Midorima. He was certain now.

_Birds don't need to die because of such trivial matters, huh? And if they are not able to look after themselves, they'll find someone that takes care of them, don't they, Shin-chan?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crappy Ending is crappy  
> Not enough crap? Check out the Upcoming stories!


End file.
